One day in class Jomyle was learning about integers. Jomyle didn't like to listen. When the teacher was talking he went to sleep. When he was on his way home he saw a box fall out of the sky. He went to the box and opened it. A little man popped out a said "if you answer the following question you will have food supply for a week". He looked at the question and it was about integers.
The question was (-6)+(+8). He tried to remember what the teacher was talking about. He now knew that he was sleeping. He was trying to remember really hard. He now knew how to use integer tiles. He solved the question and food appeared in his bedroom.
A week has passed and the food was gone. He now was listening in class. Another box appeared and the little dude came out again. he said"the last one was easy. now I will give you a harder one". "What is (+20)+(-17)"? He tried to use a different method because he didn't want to draw all those circles. He started thinking about money. He said" If I have 20 dollars and then gave away 17 what would i get". He now knew the answer. The answer was +3. This time it wasn't food.
There was a list that had 3 Boxes waiting to be checked off. The title was 3 Wishes. He granted his first wish and it came true. He looked at the paper and the first box was checked off. He granted all of his wishes and all the boxes were checked off. In his class he became one of the smartest people because just in case another box appeared he would know the answer.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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November 3, 2008 at 8:40 PM
The quotations you put, 'A little man popped out a said "if you answer the following question you will have food supply for a week".'
- Put a comma after 'said' and 'question'
- You should capitalize 'if' because it's the beginning of the sentence.
- The period should be inside the quotation marks
- It should be, 'A little man popped out and said, "If you answer the following question, you will have food supply for a week."'
'"What is (+20)+(-17)"?'
- The question mark should be inside quotation marks.
- '"What is (+20)+(-17)?"'.
You should check your grammar, 'A little man popped out a said,'
- It should be 'A little man popped out and said,'.
'now I will give you a harder one". "What is (+20)+(-17)"?'
- Capitalize the beginning of your sentence.
- It should be, 'Now I will give you a harder one, "What is (+20)+(-17)?"'.
'There was a list that had 3 Boxes waiting to be checked off.'
- 'Boxes' shouldn't be capitalized.
- It should be 'There was a list that had 3 boxes waiting to be checked off.'
'In his class he became one of the smartest people because just in case another box appeared he would know the answer.'
- 'in case' is one word, 'incase'.
'He now knew that he was sleeping. He was trying to remember really hard. He now knew how to use integer tiles.'
- Try not to repeat 'He now knew'.
Make sure to check your grammar, spelling, and the quotations when someone is speaking. Try adding more detail and information. Also try adding pictures, it will show a lot more to your story.
November 3, 2008 at 8:43 PM
Casey You are lucky to have SAYyouKNOW leave you a comment behind. She has left many valuable tips about improving your story.
November 3, 2008 at 8:43 PM